Have you heard? Some vaguely defined but super-snazzy-sounding thing called 5G is, like, totally coming to knock your socks off any second now. It's gonna speed up your phone, revolutionize your productivity, and probably even lower your cholesterol.

Okay, so maybe some of that is pure poppycock. But you know what? So is the very idea that 5G is anything an average person should get excited about — or consider adopting — in the coming year.

You'd be forgiven for thinking otherwise. After all, the mobile tech marketing machine has been revving up considerably over these past few weeks, pushing out all sorts of spectacular-sounding narratives about how 5G is going to change the way we work, live, and lather. (Again, at least one of those items is my own nonsensical creation, but I'd argue that all of them are equally absurd.)